Helping your children Gain a Healthy Self Worth

Growing up...especially going through school I noticed a number of different types of people. (Especially in school...we love to put people in categories). You had the druggies, the cowboys, the goody good kids, the good but cool kids, the popular kids...and on and on. There was a group or a stereotype for everyone. If we fell into a category that we liked or that meant others liked us...yay. I guess that means we are one of he lucky ones. Though many would assume we all want to be popular, there was one type of person that I truly admired in high school... and it wasn't cause they were "popular". It was the kids that actually provided one of the best and most genuine services I think you can at that age...(an into adulthood). It was those kids who had what I would call true self worth and confidence.
Let me just describe how this person would act. This person is kind and outreaching. They aren't shy or insecure...to make them kind. They aren't kind so you'll vote them prom queen. No...these people are kind when it isn't popular...and when it is. They are genuine and mature. I think they come across as so put together because they know who they are regardless of the labels people give them. They act friendly and nice because they base their self worth off of their savoir and heavenly father. In a world where labels are constantly being thrown every which way and there is no shortage of judgement, it is extremely refreshing to see someone who doesn't care what others think and can maintain their confidence because it comes from a knowledge that they of extreme worth in the eyes of our Heavenly Father and that they are doing what he would have them do.
These people are consistent in their character and moral. They may reject what is popular to do what is right. And though it may seem like an oxymoron, even in high school, it seems to me that these people are very well liked. Of course they are well liked...they make you feel good about yourself when you are around them...because someone who is truly confident in themselves knows they are of worth and so are you. It is easy for them to make others feel good, because they don't have to put others down to build themselves up. They get their confidence from another source. They don't have to talk bad about the popular kids, because they get their confidence from another source. They can freely admit that someone else has done something good and wonderful because they know that someone else's achievements don't diminish their own self worth.
    I was not this person in high school. Not really even in college. I was super shy and worried too much about what other people thought of me. Even as an adult I worry about this too much. How does an adult gain a relationship with our savoir to outweigh and overcome the world...and then how do we teach our children this invaluable lesson?

One of the first things we need to do to gain this confidence is gaining a personal relationship with our Father in heaven.

"President Thomas S. Monson has taught: “Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. … God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there” (“We Never Walk Alone,” Ensign, Nov. 2013, 123–24)."

May I add it is not changed by what judgments others may pass upon...whether that comes from your peers, your teacher, parent, boss, or anyone else.

Another quote from this article states:
Following the Lord’s ways allows you to receive eternal blessings and to have the Holy Ghost with you, which can help you feel good about yourself more deeply and consistently than anything the world has to offer.

Another thing we can do is to be grateful for the blessing we have. 

Elder Quentin L Cook sayid
“Comparing blessings is almost certain to drive out joy,” says Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. “We cannot be grateful and envious at the same time. If we truly want to have the Spirit of the Lord and experience joy and happiness, we should rejoice in our blessings and be grateful” (“Rejoice!”Ensign, Nov. 1996, 30).

Serving others...and focusing on their needs also brings about true self-worth
Here's another amazing quote from this talk:
Those who truly love themselves don’t rely on others’ attention and praise. They’re comfortable enough with their own worth that they can have good relationships with others and are able to serve them without ulterior motives. 

This article is also amazing: How to we define who we are?

So how as parents do we instill this self worth in our children.

From the February 2006 ensign it states
"It is important for parents (and leaders and teachers) to understand the powerful impact praise, acceptance, and encouragement have on a child’s sense of individual worth and confidence. Likewise, we need to be aware of how ridicule, rejection, and continual criticism can create personal doubt. Equally important, Latter-day Saint parents need to recognize how feeling Heavenly Father’s love, sensing the comfort and spiritual guidance that come with the Holy Ghost’s companionship, and gaining a personal testimony enhance a child’s sense of worth, personal confidence, and self-respect."

in this same talk it discusses a study that was done on high school students and the relationship between religious convictions and actions. 
They conclude that two things parents can do to benefit their children's self worth are "(1) strengthen the spiritual environment of the home, and (2) maintain a strong, loving relationship with each child."

The talk continues to explain how we can maintain a strong relationship with each child. I would highly recommend you read it. Helping children develop feelings of self worth.

Other great talks on this topic are:
We are children of God
Our true identity

So what does all this mean to me. I think what it means is in high school and in college I was recognizing the characteristics of someone who has a deep relationship with their Father in Heaven. I want to be able to foster the type of environment that allows my children to draw closer to their father in heaven so that they can make better decisions in life.

A word or two on respecting your kids

Have you ever seen "Horton hears a who"?
Do you remember the quote " A persons a person no matter how small".  Why is it that we often find ourselves treating our own children like less than that.

Have you ever gone up to a sleeping baby and touched them?  Have you let a baby sit there and scream while you were busy doing something? Have you been to busy to answer a kindly asked question of a child? yes i know. no one is perfect and we all get selfish sometimes. And of course it is difficult when this little person has so many needs all the time.

There are simple things we can do to show love and respect to our kids. These are also great to check ourselves to see if we are being kind.

Imagine yourself in their position, especially when they are being grumpy. I notice that my little K gets frustrated sometimes and starts whining or crying. I have a choice. I can either just automatically assume he is just being an annoying little kid...or I can take a closer look. Most of the time he is trying to do or learn something. For example he is learning to unscrew lids from jars and things right now. So he tries to do it, but sometimes he isn't able to for one reason or another and it frustrates him. It frustrates me too when I can't figure out something or I think I should be able to do something and can't.

Be True to your word. When my husband and I were first married we were visiting my family. I told my niece, little A, that I would take her for a four wheeler ride that day. I had to get some things done first but I figured I would get back to her. As the day was getting darker I started trying to hurry to get back to her.  My husband noticed and thought it was interesting that I was so worried about keeping my word to a three year old. She probably wouldn't even remember right? Try telling a kid you will give them candy and see if they forget. They don't forget. You're going to hear about it every 5 minutes until they get the candy. I think is is really important to follow through with what you say. We are teaching our kids. When someone says "in a minute"...it means that yes they actually will do what the child is asking...not now...but soon.

This  is an interesting study on how often parents lie to their children.

Age Appropriate Activities. Have you ever been sitting down to a board game with your friends or family or perhaps talking on the phone, or working on the computer...or doing any other adult activity and your kids just wouldn't leave you alone. Well lets take a minute and think about his from their perspective. They are in this house with you and you are doing something they can't participate in... not because you don't necessarily want them to but they don't understand it yet. It is beyond their ability. It's just not fun for them. This is what happens. You sit down to the computer for five minutes peace, and hope they will entertain themselves. They don't. A minute or two goes by and then they start bugging you. "mom, can I have this or that" or they start bickering with siblings. You turn around and tell them to be quite...or don't bother me I'm busy. Does it work? not usually. The situation elevates and soon your send them to their room in a fit of frustration. Scenario two would be to plan ahead. You know you will be doing something they aren't interested in. You know what will happen so plan ahead. Find some creative ideas online or around the house. Get and activity ready for them or a job. Something appropriate for their age...and maybe new. Right now my little boy is 15 months old so I would grab my pots and pans and a stick and let him bang on them while I'm doing whatever it is. I stop every couple of minutes to see how he is doing and interact with him a little. It is great the difference this makes. Instead of them feeling rejected and a nuisance, they get to learn and experience something new. Kids don't want to be annoying, they just need something to do.

This site has tons of ideas of activites to do with your children.

Pay attention to the way you talk to you children. The best way to talk to your children is obviously with love and respect. President Gordon B. Hinkley quotes "I hope that the noise of our homes will drop a few decibels, that we will subdue our voices and speak to one another with greater appreciation and respect.” Yelling at our children is not respectful, neither does it gain their respect. Yes it may make them quite for a few seconds as they roll their eyes out the door. Calm, loving conversation is much better... but of course it takes self control in the moment of frustration.
Scenario 1: Mom comes in from the other room to find her daughter has spread flour and water all over the kitchen. Seeing the mess she scolds the child and sends her off while mom cleans up the mess.
Scenario 2: Mom comes in from the other room to find her daughter has spread flour and water all over the kitchen. She pauses...(counts to 10 if needed) and tries to understand why she would do this. maybe asks a few questions. "What are you working on there?" Daughter "i'm making cookies...mommy". mom "oh that is so nice of you to help out. I'll help you and then after you can help me clean up the mess." or a mom could sit down and explain that to make cookies she needs to ask for help. The child would go away feeling understood and validated. After all they weren't trying to make a mess but was trying to help, or be like mommy.

For more example of how to talk with your children look here.

Remember that your child is a child of god and has divine potential.

"Could anyone be more deserving of respect than a literal child of God? Each of us—husband and wife, parent and child—has that marvelous heritage and potential. Sometimes we lose sight of each other’s true worth. But as we give respect, our love deepens, potential blossoms, and eternal relationships grow stronger."

 When we remember that our children close to our equals we will treat them very differently. Each of us were sent down to this earth to learn and grow. We have frustrations, goals, dreams, excitements...and so forth.  As parents we are in a wonderful position to assist another individual in the learning and growing process, to teach them on their journey back to our Heavenly Father. As we view being a parent as an opportunity to serve in this process, I believe we will get so much joy back from being a parent.  We will love and respect our children and through our example they will learn to love and respect us as well.

read more about respect from our church leaders here

Thanks for stopping by

The willis's


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Early Infant Activities

Oh there are so many activities to do with my little man. I found some fun ideas on productive parenting.com

 Some I've tried and some I have yet to try.

 

 

Prisms

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

glass prism

What To Do:

Hang a glass prism in a sunny window. Spin the prism around. Let your child observe the colors moving around the room. If you don't have a prism handy, attach a small mirror to a ribbon and hang it in the window.

Animal Book

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

animal book

What To Do:

Use one of the books that has an animal on each page. Point to the cow and say, "The cow says ''Moo.'' Do this with other animals in the book. Reading to your infant every day is a wonderful habit to develop together. Books help your infant begin to understand the world. It''s not too early to develop this habit.

Ball Roll

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

ball

What To Do:

Enjoy watching your infant's movements while stretching all around. It may be fun to place a ball on the blanket with your infant. Put it near your infant's feet. If your infant moves the ball, you can tell your infant, "You moved the ball." Continue to provide positive feedback as you see your infant move in different ways. It is important to talk to your infant throughout the day. Even though your infant may not understand what you are saying, language is being assimilated.

Bells

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

bells

What To Do:

Early learning takes place by using all 5 senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. This activity will enhance your child's sense of hearing. Attach some bells on your child's soft booties. Lay your child down facing you and put the booties on your child's feet. Observe your child's reaction to the sound of the bell.

Body Parts

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

While massaging your child, say the names of your child's body parts. Put your child's hands together and say, "Hands". Stretch your child's legs and say, "Legs." Repeat with nose, ears, etc.

Chime Time

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

chimes

What To Do:

Children love hearing the sound of chimes! Have colorful chimes hanging in your house. Hold your child above your head. Your child will have to stretch to reach the chimes. Allow your child to touch the chimes. Bring your child down and say, "You made the chimes ring! "

Fabric Fun

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

fabric samples

What To Do:

Your child learns by using the sense of touch. Collect several pieces of soft fabric samples. Gently rub your child's cheeks with each piece of fabric. Notice the ones your child likes.

Finger Fun

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your child loves to play with you! Play, "I'm going to get you." Move your fingers up and down. Gently go toward your child while saying, "I'm going to get you." When you reach your child's stomach say, "I love you." Observe your child's reaction.

Grasping

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

toy

What To Do:

Children love to grasp objects. Place a favorite toy on a ribbon. Hang it in front of your child. Observe to see if your child tries to grasp the object. This may take some time. 

Hearing

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

While your infant is seated in an infant seat, shake a rattle to the left. Then shake the rattle to the right. Speak to your infant in a soft and gentle voice as you move from one side to the other. Your infant loves hearing the sound of your soft voice!

Hearing you Talk

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your infant loves to hear your voice. Tell your infant what you are doing. Describe your infant's surroundings. Be sure to pause and speak softly. Look to see if your infant reacts by moving when you speak.

Holding

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

When you hold your infant close to you, look into your infant's eyes. Vision is blurred at first. Infants can see best at the distance your infant is during feeding time. When you speak to your infant, use a soft, steady voice. This helps your infant feel safe, secure, and loved. 

Imitation

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

A fun game is to place your child in a position to focus on your face. Let your tongue protrude as far as you can. Do this slowly about 5 or 6 times. Notice any movement your child may have. This may take some time. Your child will need practice but may eventually imitate your actions. Imitation is a complex activity for a young child.

Infant Situps

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

soft blanket

What To Do:

This fun infant game is a good way to exercise neck muscles. Lay your infant facing up on a soft blanket. Hold on to your infant's hands and wrists then count, "One, Two, Three, Up!" Gently pull your infant to a sitting position. Gently lower your infant back down to the lying position, then repeat.

Kicking Game

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your child's legs seem to be in constant motion when awake. Place a toy or stuffed animal on a ribbon and hang it where your child can kick it. It will be more interesting if the toy makes a sound. You may want to help your child with the first kick. Observe how long your child stays with this activity.

Leg Kicks

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

pillow, plate

What To Do:

Infants love to kick their little legs.  Today, when your infant is face up on the floor on a blanket, try holding a plastic plate or pillow within easy reach of your infant's legs.  You may need to guide the feet to the object at first.  When contact is made, your infant will feel the object and be excited with you as you praise the feat. Once your infant understands the 'game' it will be fun to practice repeatedly.

Listening

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

When you have your infant facing you, try making different pitches with your voice. Watch your infant's facial expressions as you do this. Your infant is becoming accustomed to 'all' of your voices!

Massage

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

After bath time, try gently, (but somewhat firmly), massaging your infant's body. If your infant has discomfort, a massage may be calming and soothing. Massaging your infant's feet can be especially relaxing. Lightly encircle one of your infant's limbs with your hand. Lightly massage your infant's hand or foot in a circular motion. Repeat for all the limbs. Using 2 fingers, slowly massage your infant's trunk in clockwise circles. Turn your infant over and massage your infant's back. Repetitive downward massaging is calming for your infant.

Motion

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Talk softly and gently to your infant as you engage during this 'exercise.' Lay your infant on a blanket facing you. Grasp the edges of the blanket with both hands close to the top of your infant's head. Pull the blanket up gently, then gently lower it. Speak softly to your infant as you move the blanket.

Moving to Rhymes

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Place your child on a blanket on the floor. Recite some nursery rhymes. Your child may move to the rhythm of the rhymes. Some will react by making sounds. What does your infant do?

Noticing

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your child is learning about the world through the sense of hearing. Take your child outside. Let your child listen to the birds, the wind, and other sounds. Talk about the sounds. You can stay inside and listen to the sounds in your home, (clock ticking, washing machine running, etc.) What does your infant notice?

On and Off

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

This activity will help your child understand the concept of 'on and off'. Help your child try turning on a light or ceiling fan, using a light or fan switch. Say, "On" when the light or fan goes on and "Off" when it goes off.

Paper Kick

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

freezer paper or wax paper

What To Do:

Place a large piece of freezer paper under your infant. It should be long enough to stay in place in order for your infant to be able to kick and hear the sound it makes.

Peek-a-boo

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Playing with your child strengthens your relationship. Place your infant on a soft blanket or in an infant seat. Put a cloth over your face. Pull it away and say, "Peek-a-boo!" 

Photography Fun

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

camera

What To Do:

Take some time today to capture the beauty of your new child through photographs that you will cherish for years to come! Surround your child with special stuffed animals and take several photos.  You will be thankful to have these precious memories as your child begins to grow and change in the coming months.

Pulling

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Children love pull toys! Use a safe toy with a pull string. Hold your child on your lap. Put the string in your child's hand. Observe what happens as your child pulls the toy. Repeat the activity a few times until your child sees the cause and effect of the activity.

Rest Time

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your infant may be sleeping during most of the day during the first few months. Although there will always be things for you to do, try to join your child in getting some rest during the front end of nap time. Try doing whatever it is that brings you peace and refreshment in order to be energized during your infant's wakeful times.

Ringing Bell

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

bells

What To Do:

Your child is developing the ability to visually track. Place your child in an infant seat. Take a bell and ring it above your child's head. Do the same to the left and right of your child. Observe your child and notice if your child's eyes follow the bell.

Rocking Pillow

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

towels

What To Do:

Infants love to rock, (back and forth as well as side to side). Place your infant tummy down on top of a large soft pillow rolled up, making sure it supports the head, chest, stomach, and thighs. Gently rock your infant side to side with both hands. 

Seeing

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Children learn by using their sense of sight. Once your child is able to focus, try placing a colorful blanket on the back of your sofa. Put your child on his/her back so the colors are visible. Observe how long your child looks at the blanket. This is the beginning of concentration. Be sure to not interrupt your child's concentration. This is an important life skill.

Singing

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

This is one of my favorite songs to sing with children! Put your child on a soft blanket. As you sing, "Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes," touch each part of your child's body.

Singing about Our Day

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

When you are rocking your child to sleep today, sing about the day your child had with you. Sing the song in sequence. Example: "This morning we went to the store." 

Soft Music

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Dancing with your infant is a wonderful way to calm and make your infant feel loved. Play your favorite music softly and hold your infant securely against your chest, dancing slowly and smoothly around the room.

Sounds

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

rattle

What To Do:

Show your child a rattle or toy that makes a sound. Move the toy over your child's head. Now move the toy from the left to right side of your child. Is your infant following the movement of the toy?

Stretching

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

It is stretching time! Put a favorite toy just beyond your child's reach. Let you child stretch to get the toy.

Surround Sounds

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your infant loves to hear your voice. Try placing your infant in an infant seat. Walk around the room while speaking or singing. Your infant is listening and hearing the sound of your voice, even though your infant doesn't turn in your direction.

Sweet Talk

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

By talking 'sweetly' to your infant, your infant will feel loved. Your soft, steady voice is comforting to your infant. 

Talking

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your infant is a captive audience for you. You can say anything and your infant will love hearing it! Tell your infant about your day, about how you feel about being a mom (dad, etc.). Your infant loves to hear the sound of your voice!

Toe Time

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Children love poetry! Recite the rhyme as you touch each of your child's toes. "This little pig went to market. This little pig stayed home. This little pig had roast beef. This little pig had none. And this little pig cried 'Wee-wee-wee all the way home'."

Tummy Time

Target Age:

Early Infant

Materials You Will Need:

mirror

What To Do:

Your child sometimes needs a change of scenery by placing your child on the tummy. Do this for only short periods of time. This will help with head control. Have a mirror for your child to see a reflection.

Up and Down

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your child learns language concepts through play. While your child is on a soft blanket, hold your child's hands. Gently bring your child's hands down to the sides of the body. Gently bring them up to a wide arc above your child's head. Repeat as you sing, "Here we go up. Now we come down."

Whispering

Target Age:

Early Infant

What To Do:

Your infant is used to hearing your voice. Go to a quiet space and whisper in your infant's ear. Whisper in the other ear. Is your infant turning the head to hear each sound?